we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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