Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
