Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
