When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
