Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
