Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
