We need to rekindle our bromance
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
