Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drake has all the answers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
