do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
