ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
