So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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