They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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