So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
