he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
