could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
