my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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