I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
