The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
