fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
