Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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