he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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