question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
