what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
