I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me I should be a condom model.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize