we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
