Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
