I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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