Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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