I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
