He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
