So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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