pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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