Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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