Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
