New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
