his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
