I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
