What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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