I love black thongs
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
