You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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