I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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