I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
