theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
