so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
