it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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