I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
