see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
