he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
soo... how was my night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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