I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
