I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
