I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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