the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
