So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
