You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
