It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my shit smells like andre
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
