even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
