The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
